


The Ficlet Files

by unkindravens



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Drabble Collection, Feelings, Ficlet Collection, Fluff, Friendship, Humor, Multi, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:28:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22201072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unkindravens/pseuds/unkindravens
Summary: Collection of little prompts.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose, Stevie Budd & David Rose, Stevie Budd & the Roses
Comments: 12
Kudos: 39
Collections: The Rosebudd Ficlets





	The Ficlet Files

**Moira writes a play**

Moira stood at the head of the table and clapped her hands. “Attention, everyone. I am positively eupeptic with glee to call to order the first read-through of _Albatross Motel: One Woman’s Journey to Save a Small Town—_ a Moira Rose original production, for ‘Instead of the cross, the Albatross/About my neck was hung.’

“Stevie, will you please get us started with the role of Veronica Bailey, the matriarch who manages to… pluck the talent from amongst the thorns that is Rosalie’s River.”

Stevie: “You there, gothic midnight girl…?” She looked at Moira who smiled and nodded. “Won’t you please tell my husband and two young children what the amenities are at this motor court?”

“Twyla, that’s you,” Patrick whispered.

Twyla: “I’m afraid we have none, ma’am, as we are a small, simple town and know not of five star hotels with Michelin-rated eateries.”

“Um,” Patrick interrupted, “Mrs. Rose, are you sure this is the final draft of the play? The dialogue doesn’t seem…”

“Natural,” Stevie offered. “Like, remotely.”

“Oh, Stevie, did we learn nothing from _Caberet_? Stage play seldom sounds like real conversation. We must add flourish to the milieu of everyday language.”

“What’s a Michelin rating?” Twyla asked. “Should the Cafe get one?”

“No, dear, that’s not how these things work, I’m afraid,” Moira said. “Stevie, why don’t we move to the scene in which Veronica Bailey unbuttons former movie mogul Joshua’s sleeping shirt.”

Stevie and Patrick looked at each other across the table. “What’s a sleeping shirt?” Patrick asked.

“Don’t worry,” Stevie said, “just pretend we’re doing _A Christmas Carol_ _.”_

**Dialogue**

“You have to let me look.”

“But it’s motel lice, you could have it.”

“David, it’s Alexis’s lice and I haven’t been to the motel yet. Take off your shower cap.”

“I don’t want to.”

“David…”

“Okay, fine.”

“If it makes you feel any better, they’re only attracted to clean heads.”

“As someone who takes extensive care of their hair, no, Stevie, that does not make me feel better.”

“You don’t have any.”

“Good.”

“You don’t have to put the shower cap back on.”

“Don’t judge my life choices.”

“Can you check my head?”

“ _Ew_. No.”

“Please, David, I need your help! What if I have lice?”

“Quit chasing me, I’m not looking at your scalp!”

“You’re a terrible friend.”

“Okay, but you knew that going in so…”

“Just make sure you’re scalp isn’t itchy.”

“Well it is now that you’re talking about it.”

“Creepy-crawlies who love showercaps and knit hats…”

“You’re a garbage person. Now help me with these boxes.”

**It’s Stevie’s birthday and David wants to get her something _cringe_ heartfelt.**

“David,” Patrick said, “have you blinked in the past two hours?”

David had his laptop on the counter of the store and was scrolling. Scrolling. Scrolling.

“There has to be something on Etsy, but, like, not something gross.”

“Not something gross,” Patrick repeated.

“We don’t do gross. Sappy.” David slammed his laptop shut. “I just want to get her something nice.”

“Stevie’s had birthdays before, why is this one so important?”

“It’s not, it’s just… You know we don’t have other friends and she doesn’t have family. I just want her to have something nice. Is all.”

Patrick leaned against the counter. “Getting engaged has made you soft.” David narrowed his eyes at Patrick. “Okay, what do you love about her?”

David groaned. “I mean, she’s Stevie. She’s the first real friend I’ve ever had. She aggressively takes care of me when I don’t want her to. She told me you were good for me before we were even together. She understands me. I understand her. She’s strong and talented and beautiful and a self-sabotaging asshole who pretends she doesn’t have feelings but has so many.”

“Yes, I’m familiar with the type.” Patrick stepped behind David and wrapped his arms around David’s waist. “I’m guessing BFF necklaces are out.”

“That’s disgusting,” David said, “and we don’t advertise.”

“What about that vendor in Elmdale who makes the leather jewelry? I’m sure he could make an original bracelet design and you can each have one. That way you two have something tangible to represent your friendship, but no one has to know either of you have feelings.” Patrick kissed his neck. “Plus, you get a bonus present for yourself.”

David shook his head. “I suppose so. She doesn’t do jewerly, but leather will probably fit her ‘fuck you’ aesthetic.”

A WEEK LATER

“Are you crying?” David asked.

“No,” Stevie sniffed, “you’re crying.”

“Fair enough.”

  
  


**3 Sentence Prompt**

“I promise to be by your side no matter what the cost, to—for the love of Oprah—help with your style choices, and to always love you.”

“I promise to support you, to listen to all your rambling—but brilliant—ideas, to be there whenever you need me and to always love you.”

Patrick smiled and said, “David Rose and Stevie Budd, I now pronounce you groom and best person.”

**“You’re nothing like them.” and** **Johnny unexpectedly meets a member of Stevie’s family at the motel**

“Hey, Stevie,” Johnny said as he opened the door to room two where Stevie and David were currently cleaning, “there’s a gentleman in the lobby who says he’s your brother. I didn’t know you had a brother!”

“I’m sorry,” David said, “you have a _what_?”

“Fuck,” Stevie mumbled, “it’s probably my ex-step-brother Seth,” she held up a hand at David. “You know very well this isn’t a cute _Clueless_ situation.”

Ten minutes later Stevie, her moronic former step-brother, and two of her idiot cousins were yelling in the motel parking lot.

“You never come see dad, after all he’s done for you!”

“Jesus fuck, he’s not your dad! And he’s done nothing worth visiting him for, you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Seth tried to crowd Stevie, but she jumped back with a flinch.

Moira and Alexis appeared.

“What is the tumultuation happening in our car park?”

The more Seth yelled and the more the cousins stood their ground, the quieter Stevie got. David stood in front of her.

“I think Stevie had made it abundantly clear that she wants nothing to do with you,” he said.

“She’s fucking family.”

Johnny walked to a space between Stevie and the men. “I’m asking you to please leave our motel. It seems Stevie has another family now.”

Alexis stood next to her father. “A _real_ family, not a collection of scaggy burn-outs.”

Moira took her place. “I am sorry, boys, but our dynasty is not up for debate.”

David took Stevie’s hand and whispered, “You’re nothing like them.”

**Stevie is accidentally left alone in a room full of Patrick's relatives**

There are a lot of Brewers. _All_ the Brewers. Stevie has no idea what happened to the Roses or Patrick. It’s the rehearsal dinner, how the fuck far could they have gone?

The Brewers are all nice. The friendliest people Stevie ever met in her life. Of course they are, they made Patrick.

Stevie didn’t think this kind of thing was real. That people can get along with their family. They they would even want to _see_ their family. Everyone Patrick’s related to is here in this room. They clearly love each other and take care of each other. It’s like they’re all… friends.

Stevie slumps against the wall. She doesn’t want to be rude and leave, but she also doesn’t know if anyone would even notice. Fuck this. Fuck this nice family, it can’t be real. Families are like this on television and that’s it. Stevie has the dramatic, dysfunctional Roses. They’re enough. She doesn’t need this lovey shit shoved in her face. 

Stevie’s staring at the ceiling, mustering up the courage to just bounce, when someone took hold of her wrist. It was Patrick’s mom.

“Are you okay, sweetheart?”

Stevie nods. “Yeah, yes. I’m fine. It’s just a lot. You have so much family.”

“You belong here too.”

“What?”

“Patrick made it clear that you’re family. We’re quite a crowd at first, but you’ll get to know everyone. You can come up with the boys for the holidays and Clint and I will be visiting more.”

“I’m… they didn’t tell me that.”

Marcy wipes a tear from Stevie’s cheek. Why does she keep crying? She just cried during her toast for fuck’s sake. Idiot David and his idiot feelings gives her feelings.

“Can I hug you?” Marcy asks.

Stevie nods.

Stevie Budd does not hug. There’s been a few anomalies involving the Roses, but that family is an anomaly in and of itself. But Marcy’s hugging her and there’s a warmth… It’s a mom hug. Marcy is giving her a mom hug. Stevie’s getting a real-life mom hug.

**David gets caught in the rain**

David stumbled into the store and out of the rain.

“Oh, good, here are the two people I know with cars.”

Patrick and Stevie glanced at each other before turning back to David.

He had removed his sweater and now was in a white undershirt that clung to his skin. His hair was fallen in front of his eyes, rain dripping to his lips.

Stevie leaned over to Patrick. “I don’t know if it’s the rain,” she said quietly, “but David can get it.”

“He _has_ gotten it.”

Stevie and Patrick continued to stare, but managed a worldless high-five.

**Stevie picks up a female random**

What was she doing? She’s at a gay bar, alone, in Thornbridge.

Fuck David, putting this in her head.

Okay, so maybe it was always there. Just buried deep inside. One day he walked lobby in when Stevie’s sitting on the couch, one leg hanging over the arm and the other tucked beneath her. She was wearing her usual flannel and baggy jeans.

“My god, you’re signaling hard,” he said.

“What?”

“I’ve kept my mouth shut for years. You know I try to mind my own business when it comes to other people’s sexuality, but that pose and that outfit are definitely bi-curious.”

He was right. She feels ridiculous exploring this in her thirties, but then there’s Patrick so… Better late than never.

It’s different dancing with a woman. 

Now it’s different kissing a woman.

It’s softer. It’s familiar in a way she never felt with a guy. Stevie put her hands through her new friend’s hair and, holy fuck, this feels amazing. It feels right. Stevie pulls her closer and their bodies fit. How is her mouth different? Lips and tongue like Stevie’s never felt. Skin, hair, hips, everything is different. It’s better.

They leave the bar together.

**Patrick and David surveying the area behind the motel for a potential wedding spot and end up getting it on behind the trees, much to David’s dismay**

David wrapped his arms around Patrick’s waist, so they were both surveying the field behind the motel.

“Okay, so the chuppah could go there. There we can have the tent for reception with a dance floor. Should we lean into the rustic theme or something more traditional…?”

Patrick looked down at his thigh then up at David. “I’m sorry, are you getting a semi from wedding planning?”

“...No.”

Patrick grabbed his hand. “Okay, let’s calm down. You’ve had a big day.”

Patrick pulled David into the woods and tried to situate him against a tree, David said a strong “no” to touching any nature. They compromised so David had his hands on the tree with Patrick on his knees.

It had been a very stressful day, what with the venue and Alexis and let’s not think about our parents… 

David closed his eyes and enjoyed coming in Patrick’s mouth. When he opened his eyes, however…

“Oh my god!”

Patrick sprung to his feet. “What?”

“These… things… flying in the air. In the air close to my face.”

“David, they aren’t anywhere near your face. They’re just fireflies.”

“Will they be here in a month? I don’t need flying… insect light bulbs at my—our—reception.”

“They will,” Patrick said, kissing David. “It’s romantic. They’re lighting our way to love.”

“No.” David attempted to stumble out of the woods. 

Patrick grabbed his hand. “They’re a reflection of our ever-burning love for each other!”

“Ew.”

“We can wed at dusk, surrounded by the support of mother nature herself.”

“Okay, this has gone on long enough. How the fuck do I get out of here?”


End file.
